General Fiction posted September 25, 2016

This work has reached the exceptional level
My choice for government appointments.

Government Appointees

by Thomas Bowling

Political Humor Contest Winner 

If I had the power to appoint cartoon characters to government offices, I would fill the positions as follows:

For Director of the FBI: Pluto. Pluto is constantly sniffing around but never finds anything, like missing emails. Also, he doesn't speak, so if he does find anything, he never tells anyone.

For Supreme Court: Sylvester the Cat. We need a level headed, clear speaking individual to hand down important decisions.

For Attorney General: Tweety Bird. Tweety Bird thinks he sees a Puddy Tat, but he's never sure. He would carry on the tradition set by our current Attorney General, who is never sure if a crime has been committed or not.

Secretary of the Treasury: Scrooge McDuck. I think he has the best shot at restoring the economy and bringing fiscal stability to our country.

Secretary of Defence: Elmer Fudd. He has always been an avid wabbit hunter and would terrorise our enemies, with his dead-on shooting ability.

Secretary of State: Since the rules state I must appoint cartoon characters, that disqualifies my first choice, Jon Lovett's lying character from SNL, who would carry on the tradition of you know who. Therefore I select the next best choice, Daffy Duck. Mr. Duck is always confused about events going on around him, a very necessary quality to carry on our negotiations with foreign leaders.

Secretary of Education: Goofy. He seems best able to continue the stupid leadership qualities that seem to be a requirement to hold this post. He could protect the delicate sensibilities of our children. Save them from a real education, and hand out free condoms so they couldn't create more idiots.

For Surgeon General: The unnamed character who is always able to turn Daffy Duck's bill back around, brings Bugs Bunny back to life after Elmer Fudd shoots him, and heals Wiley Coyote after he falls off a cliff. Other than these things, I have no idea what the Surgeon General does.

For Congress: Porky Pig who best typifies the out of control spending and pork barrel projects of most congressmen.

For Senate: I nominate Foghorn Leghorn who has mastered the art of political doublespeak.

For Vice President: I considered giving this position to Elmer Fudd. I think he could do two jobs. Then I reconsidered and decided we did not need another shotgun carrying Vice President. I have selected Mickey Mouse for this Mickey Mouse job.

I don't think the contest rules say I can't appoint a President, so I choose the only natural fit: Yosemite Sam. Sam would bring a calmness and measured approach that is lacking in Donald Trump and straight talk which is missing from Hillary.

I trust that Congress will quickly approve these appointments, and we can get back to the business of running the country.


Perhaps you could expand this contest and allow us to appoint professional wrestlers as Middle Eastern leaders.

Political Humor
Contest Winner

Pays one point and 2 member cents.

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