Humor Poetry posted April 27, 2017


Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
The first impression sometimes is an alert

It Began Poorly

by Ogden


See note below before reading poem. (Somewhere between G and PG) The author has placed a warning on this post for language.


She was a friend of a now ex-friend;
The blind date felt like it never would end.

The ”affair" was doomed before it started;
As soon as we met, she farted,
And without missing a beat, 
She said, "I’m starved let’s eat!”

She wasn't bad to look at,

She wasn’t too thin or fat;
But there was so much wrong with her,
I knew I didn’t belong with her.


She had a voice that annoys;
Just my luck, she waddled like a duck;
But what decidedly doomed her - 
She had no sense of humor!

It was plain that this was not to be,
Yet, inexplicably, she fell in love with me.
I still don't know why; it’s all a big blur;
I did nothing to encourage her.
And then I couldn’t discourage her!

I made it clear there was no ”we,”
But she pursued me relentlessly.
I didn’t feel the least bit flattered;
Getting rid of her was all that mattered;
Phone calls at night, ringing my bell.
How to repel this stalker from hell?

It took a court order to keep her at bay.
(I should have known sooner to do it that way.)
A non-relationship without a beginning,
Nothing in common, no joy for either, and not even sinning.
 ;)

I’m delighted that I’m out of it,
and there should be no doubt of it -
First impressions must be heeded;
Nuanced discretion is needed -
Subtle clues can be informing.
That fart must have been a warning!
-o-



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Note:
I've been surprised that some readers have commented on a couple of couplets they believed had clumsily rhymed 'her' with 'her.' I'll leave it to you -
Do these lines rhyme?:

"But there was so much wrong with her,
I knew I didn't belong with her."
-o-
"I did nothing to encourage her,
And then I couldn't discourage her."

The defense rests.

Pays one point and 2 member cents.


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