Essay Fiction posted May 18, 2019

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Things that make me annoyed

Knock It Off, Already

by Patty Palmer

There are many things that annoy me. When you get to my age, (xx years) there are plenty of things to tick a person off! So, I've set down a list of things that annoy me! These are things that I really would like to tell people to "knock it off already!
1. When you buy new pillows and the tag on them says: Do not remove under penalty of law. I've always wanted to rip a tag off to see what happens. I picture little Keystone Kops falling out of a pillow shaped paddy wagon to come arrest me. It's laughable, yes but I don't personally know anyone who removes those tags.
2. When the phone rings, I answer it and the voice on the other end ask, "Are you home?" I want to answer, "No, I'm not home! I'm at Fred's Fish Market. Need any fish?
3. The new "math" that the kids in school are learning these days. First of all, math is math, new or old! And, in case teachers haven't realized, 2 + 2= 4 whether it was calculated yesterday, today, or tomorrow! Although, if I'm trying to do 2+2=4 it would probably come out 2,000 because I have no idea what they are doing anyway. No wonder students fail math class, it's the parents helping them with their homework at home that is the problem!
4. While we are on the subject of school, what is wrong with this world when we stopped teaching cursive writing to our students? I never saw that coming! How does the world function without cursive writing? Must we now have to rewrite every document in history in printed letters? Can you imagine the panic at the Smithsonian Institute, having to reprint every document in printing? What a mess that would be! One day I had to sign for something at the store on an electronic device and below where it should say, "Sign here," it actually said "Draw your name here!" Unbelievable! I asked a teacher one day what the reason was for not teaching cursive. The reply was that there isn't enough time during the day just for teaching cursive! But my kid can get 1 credit towards graduation for taking pottery or basket weaving class??? I've also taken my own little poll among teachers. It seems that older teachers know cursive because it was still taught in school, but the younger ones, not so much. One teacher told me that she can recognize cursive, but couldn't read any of it. So, I get my revenge. Whenever I need to write a note or an excuse to the teachers, I ALWAYS write in cursive! I get a chuckle out of one teacher having to ask another teacher to help them read my note.
5. When I go into a restaurant and order my drink, I always order diet Pepsi. The waitress will ask me, "We only have diet coke is that okay?" Now what does she think I'm going to say? So, I usually just tell them, "OH, I hate coke! Couldn't you just run down to the store and get me a Pepsi please?" They look at me like I'm crazy!
6. One of the biggest things that annoy me is on my computer! I hate when I click on an article and start reading. I'm really interested in this article, then all of a sudden, of these ads appear out of nowhere! First, they aren't ads about anything I would ever even think about buying! When you click on (X) that should make the ad go away but it just stays and blinks! I try to get rid of the ad but it won't budge. So, I try to read the article around the neon ad, but it's right in the middle of the article. I click off the article, thinking I'll start over and the ad won't be there. I click back onto the article I wanted and I start reading. I'm excited that the ad is gone and I can read! Now, I'm enjoying the article and have gotten to read a few sentences more than before and I'm relaxed. Here comes the dang ad again!!! I say some pretty ugly words, and not under my breath neither! I start pushing buttons, clicking on this and that hoping something will work. Finally, I come to my senses, calm down, and click the article off. As I slam down my computer I say, "There! I didn't want to read that stupid article anyway!"
7. Telemarketers!! Now, I know these people are only doing their jobs and trying to earn a living just like the rest of us. But they are so annoying and usually aren't peddling anything worth buying. And, I do believe they have my house bugged. How else would they know to call when I'm in the shower, washing the dog, cooking dinner? When they call, I try to be polite, tell them I don't need what they are selling and hang up, but the nicer I try to be, the louder and more they keep talking. So, I have an answer ready to give them that usually works. First, I say that I don't need at this thing they are selling and try to say goodbye. If they keep talking, I tell them that I am in the middle of planning my husband's funeral and I really can't talk right now. They are then sympathetic and hang up easily! But I was surprised the day I answered the phone and a recording says, "Please hold." Now, even recordings are putting me on hold!
8. Tipping (and I don't mean cows). It really annoys me when I pay with my debit card and the waitress asks if we want any extra money from our card in order to leave a tip. First, how do they know that I have any intention of leaving a tip? In my day, a tip was something you gave to your server if they treated you well. A tip wasn't expected; it was earned! They also didn't tell us what percentage of our check to tip. If you are looking for a tip then treat us nicely. Offer us another drink. If you are pleasant and making sure our meal has been good, then by all means, you will a receive a nice tip. When it seems a tip is expected, there might not any tip left at all! I work hard for my money too and if the experience is good, they wouldn't have to ask for a tip, they would have earned one!
9. It also upsets me when I am trying to talk to someone but they are playing a game or texting on their phone instead of listening to what I'm telling them. You ask if they heard what you just said and they tell you yes, but you know they didn't. They might answer you with, "Huh?" and I want to yell at them, "Huh, hell! Pay attention!" as my mom would have said.
10. The most annoying though, is myself. I'm getting forgetful these days. I know I'm at the age where it's normal to forget things. I'm old! And it annoys me that I'm old. I'm too young to be old yet. Just because I'm retired and old enough to get Medicare shouldn't mean that I'm old. They say age is just a number. But what if I don't like that number?? I know, I'm going to be like Jack Benny and be 39 years old for ever and ever! Oh Lord, now none of you are old enough to remember who Jack Benny was! Oh my! See how annoying this is?

What things annoy you? contest entry

Probably if I would keep my cool, I wouldn't get so annoyed. This article was fun to write to get the annoying things out of my system!
Pays one point and 2 member cents.

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