Humor Poetry posted September 2, 2019

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Proboscis Monkey and Baboon

by LisaMay

The author has placed a warning on this post for sexual content.

Look at that, what a rude disgrace –
you have a penis on your face!
You should have kept it in your pants,
not flourish it with a song and dance.

I can’t tell if you’re coming or going;
with a thing like that there is no knowing.
I’ve just come to shoot the breeze –
don’t point it at me if you’re going to sneeze.

Now I really can’t look at you at all,
for all your talk is cock-and-ball.
You make my dick seem so very small.
You could do with a design overhaul.

I suppose I should not criticise, 
especially as my bum's this size –
and what is more, it is bright blue!
Baboon's appeal is very strange, too.

Maybe I’m talking out my arse –
we obviously both have zero class.
I’ll stop now, and will tease no more.
I can sit on my bum, but boy do you snore!


Animal Opinions writing prompt entry
Writing Prompt
Write a humorous poem about one animal's opinion of another. Any style, rhyming or free verse welcome.
Have fun!

Author's Note:

The proboscis monkey (Nasalis larvatus) is one of the most unusual looking monkeys in the world. This reddish-orange monkey is named after its huge pendulous nose. It is also called monyet belanda (Dutch monkey) or orang belanda (Dutchman) in Malay / Indonesian as local people thought this red faced, big nosed, pot bellied monkey resembled the Dutch colonists.

Male proboscis monkeys with larger noses attract more females to their harem. Research has found that a bigger nose alters the monkey's vocalizations so that the male's bulk and nose size is communicated to females in faraway locations. The sound impresses females and can intimidate other males. Larger noses also alter the males' mating calls in ways that signal their visual attractiveness. It also amplifies his warning call when danger threatens. The bigger the nose a male proboscis monkey has, the likelier it is that he'll have a large, multi-female harem. Males with smaller facial features more often live in bachelor groups. Nose size matters for these monkeys.
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