|General Script posted November 2, 2019|
a one-scene script
Scene at the Mailbox
by Bill Schott
The scene opens on a rural road at the driveway entrance of an old farmhouse. One man stands next to a mailbox which has the red flag turned up. He is wearing a suit and tie, sunglasses, and is holding a brief case. A mail carrier rides up on a bicycle with the mail pouch straddling a rack over the rear fender.
Mail Carrier (MC) Howdy, sir. Beautiful day we're having.
Man in Suit (MS) (Emotionless) Where's the mail?
MC: It's right here in this pouch -- uh -- and you are?
MS: Here for the mail.
MC: Right. Well, sir, I have to put this mail in that mailbox right there.
MS: Just hand it to me.
MC: No can do, sir. By the way, who are you?
MS: Current resident.
MC: Oh? The Applebees don't live here?
MS: My name is Applebee.
MC: Well, gee, I thought I knew all the Applebees.
MS: The mail?
MC: Yes, well, like I said, I need to put it in the mailbox.
MS: Why not just hand it to me?
MC: The law says I have to place it in a federally approved mailbox.
MS: This mailbox?
MS: After you do that -- place the mail in this federally approved mailbox; what do you imagine I will do next?
MC: You will probably pull the mail out of the box.
MS: Exactly. So why not skip the box and simply hand the mail to me?
MC: Since I don't really know you, sir. I can't knowingly misdirect the mail.
MS: My name is Applebee.
MC: Do you have I.D., Mister Applebee?
MS: I do, but let me ask you something. Once you put the mail in this box and ride off; what do you think I am going to do next?
MC: As I said before, you will most likely pull the mail out of the box.
MS: Me -- or anyone, right?
MC: Hopefully one of the Applebees.
MC: Well, I can't insure they would be the ones who get the mail. That is the intention though.
MS: What if I am not an Applebee as I've claimed?
MC: Then you will be in violation of federal law.
MS: Will you arrest me?
MC: No. I will alert the local sheriff and he will arrest you.
MS: That must be some important mail you have there.
MC: It's important that I do my job right. That means placing the mail in an approved recepticle.
MS: What if I were to tell you that I am not an Applebee? What if I plan to steal the Applebee's mail? What then?
MC: I wouldn't put it in the box.
MS: Then it would be you misdirecting the mail.
MC: No, sir. I am in charge of the mail and I can decide if it is mete and right to leave articles where I suspect there may be a problem.
MS: Mete and right?
MC: Too dramatic?
MS: Maybe. Anyway, you done good, Davey.
MC: Thanks, Mr. Hamsterdam.
MS: There'll likely be postal inspectors showing up from time to time to keep you on your toes.
MC: Right, sir. I will be vigilant.
MS: Okay. Just hand me that mail and be on your way.
Davey hands Mr. Hamsterdam the letters addressed to the Applebees. Both men freeze for an entire minute.
MS: So close, Davey. So close.
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© Copyright 2020. Bill Schott All rights reserved.
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