General Script posted November 2, 2019 Chapters:  ...77 78 -79- 80 

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a one-scene script

A chapter in the book Scenes

Scene at the Mailbox

by Bill Schott

The scene opens on a rural road at the driveway entrance of an old farmhouse. One man stands next to a mailbox which has the red flag turned up. He is wearing a suit and tie, sunglasses, and is holding a brief case. A mail carrier rides up on a bicycle with the mail pouch straddling a rack over the rear fender.

Mail Carrier (MC) Howdy, sir. Beautiful day we're having.

Man in Suit (MS) (
Emotionless) Where's the mail?

MC:  It's right here in this pouch -- uh -- and you are?

MS:  Here for the mail.

MC:  Right. Well, sir, I have to put this mail in that mailbox right there.

MS:  Just hand it to me.

MC:  No can do, sir. By the way, who are you?

MS:  Current resident.

MC:  Oh?  The Applebees don't live here?

MS: My name is Applebee.

MC:  Well, gee, I thought I knew all the Applebees.

MS:  The mail?

MC:  Yes, well, like I said, I need to put it in the mailbox.

MS:  Why not just hand it to me?

MC:  The law says I have to place it in a federally approved mailbox.

MS: This mailbox?

MC:  Right.

MS: After you do that -- place the mail in this federally approved mailbox; what do you imagine I will do next?

MC: You will probably pull the mail out of the box.

MS: Exactly. So why not skip the box and simply hand the mail to me?

MC:  Since I don't really know you, sir. I can't knowingly misdirect the mail.

MS:  My name is Applebee.

MC: Do you have I.D., Mister Applebee?

MS:  I do, but let me ask you something. Once you put the mail in this box and ride off; what do you think I am going to do next?

MC: As I said before, you will most likely pull the mail out of the box.

MS:  Me -- or anyone, right?

MC: Hopefully one of the Applebees.

MS: Hopefully?

MC:  Well, I can't insure they would be the ones who get the mail. That is the intention though.

MS:  What if I am not an Applebee as I've claimed?

MC:  Then you will be in violation of federal law.

MS:  Will you arrest me?

MC: No.  I will alert the local sheriff and he will arrest you.

MS:  That must be some important mail you have there.

MC:  It's important that I do my job right. That means placing the mail in an approved recepticle.

MS: What if I were to tell you that I am not an Applebee?  What if I plan to steal the Applebee's mail?  What then?

MC: I wouldn't put it in the box.

MS: Then it would be you misdirecting the mail.

MC: No, sir. I am in charge of the mail and I can decide if it is mete and right to leave articles where I suspect there may be a problem.

MS: Mete and right?

MC: Too dramatic?

MS:  Maybe. Anyway, you done good, Davey.

MC:  Thanks, Mr. Hamsterdam.

MS:  There'll likely be postal inspectors showing up from time to time to keep you on your toes.

MC:  Right, sir. I will be vigilant.

MS:  Okay. Just hand me that mail and be on your way.

Davey hands Mr. Hamsterdam the letters addressed to the Applebees. Both men freeze for an entire minute.

MS: So close, Davey. So close.



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