| General Script
posted December 6, 2019
a one scene script
Scene at a Christmas Shop 9 CC
Pez: I think we're done here, Red. I'm putting you on my naughty list.
Red: So I'll get coal in my stocking, I guess.
Pez: I was thinking concrete. (looking past Red to a figure behind him) Looks like your blast to the past is here, douche.
DED: (stepping up) Time to go, Red.
Red: Hey! Where's that cool red robe I had? (then falls asleep standing up, is turned and walked off stage)
Pez: (opens a green sack and pulls out a red cloak) Ho ho hooooo.
DED = Death / Spectre of Christmas yet to come
Red = Himself
Pons = Himself
Ned = Hisself
Fed = Fed
Hed = Hed
Scene opens with DED and Red entering from stage left and halting. The center stage is a school playground with adults dressed as children playing on the equipment. Ned and Pons are busy on a jungle gym, while hefty cousin Fed and skinny cousin Hed play on a teeter-totter.
DED: Do you recall this time, Red?
Red: Sure. It's a scene from Lame Nation: The Early Years. Here's proof that people don't change. These dips are the same now as they were back here in the past. Let me show you.
Red steps away from DED and approaches the others. The clothes he wore earlier are now a tee shirt and shorts.
Red: Hey, Fed? Seen your feet lately? I hear they wanna run away but they can't get off your body.
Fed: Hi, Red. That's a funny thing you said. I AM fat. Ha ha.
Red: Fat! Your fat is fat. Why don't you set yourself on fire and heat your parents' home. Or have you eaten them out of house and home already?
Fed: No. We had a house when I left this morning.
Red: Sheesh! Your brain is fat too. Useless and fat.
Fed: Hed's got a good brain though. He's like Abner Einstein.
Ned: (calling from the monkey bars) I stink that guy's name is Egbert Inkstain, Fed.
Hed: Neither name is correct. Albert Einstein was a brilliant physicist with an intimidating intelligence quotient and a marvelous grasp of the theoretical .
Red: Well, well. Two more nations heard from. There's Ned, dumber than a box of rocks that are dumber than the average rock. And here's Hed. I'm smarter than you when I'm asleep.
Hed: It is quite possible that you are dreaming this condition, as I am quite certain I am far advanced in knowledge, skill, and understanding in comparison to yourself.
Pons: (chiming in from the jungle gym) You tell him. Hed. Compared to you, Red is a fish.
Red: (to Pons) Oh yeah?
Pons: (putting one forearm over the other and lifting one hand to represent a meter rising slightly) That comeback was weak.
Red runs over to Fed and kicks him in the face. Fed rolls off the teeter-todder and Hed drops to the ground hitting his head on the board. He then falls off to the side, blood gushing.
Pons: Oh my god! What have you done?
Red: Looks like I did a see-saw and the world a favor at the same time.
Ned: Holy cauliflower, Red! Why'd ya go an' do that ta Fed and Hed?
Red: Because you weren't in front of me yet, Ned.
Red suckerpunches Ned and knocks him to the ground. While Pons is checking Hed, Red begins kicking Ned while he's down.
Red: Hey, Ned. Remember that white rat you liked in Mrs. McArthur's class? It didn't run away, I drowned it in the toilet. That cat you said followed you home and you liked it. I put it in a sack and threw it in the lake. I hate you, Ned. One day I know I'll kill you. You are too dumb to breathe.
Pons rushes into Red and knocks him down. Then he turns back to Ned, helps him up, and they both move back over to Hed. All four 'kids' move off stage left. Red is joined in center stage by DED.
DED: Well, that just happened.
Red: Yeah! I remember it as clear as day. Happy, fun-filled days at the playground.
DED: Hed received frontal lobe damage. He incurred memory loss, reduced motor skills, inability to hold a conversation, and eventually, dementia.
Red: So he turned into Ned. Ha ha ha.
DED: Fed blamed himself for Hed's condition. He ate compulsively until he was eight hundred pounds.
Red: Maybe somebody should have made him feel bad about cows and pigs so he'd eat a salad once in awhile. I didn't tie a feedbag on him.
DED: We probably should see more, but I'm afraid I might find some reason to forgive you, Red.
Red: So, I guess it's -- (taking a dramatic pose and pointing downstage) Back to the Future!
To be continued...
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