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Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Perplexed"
stories I've entered in past contests

16 total reviews 
Comment from patcelaw
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Coco Jane this is a touching story told very well from the viewpoint of a child. I could relate at some point as there was a very different happening at the funeral parlor when my husband died. My two 9 year old granddaughters looked at their grandpa in the casket. They said some funny things. I wrote it as a story here several years ago, telling the story from the POV ofmy deceased husband in the casket.
Patricia

 Comment Written 09-May-2019


reply by the author on 09-May-2019
    Neat idea to write from the viewpoint of the deceased! I may steal that for one of my writings!
Comment from jenintorre
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Congratulations on winning the competition. It is so well deserved.This is a wonderful write and so beleivable. Such a well chosen picture too.
Incredible. Best wishes. Jen.

 Comment Written 09-May-2019


reply by the author on 09-May-2019
    Thanks, Jen! Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Excellent
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A very well-written short story about the perspective of a child on a funeral. They do not really know what is going on and they will have their own experiences. Congratulations on winning the contest.

 Comment Written 07-May-2019


reply by the author on 07-May-2019
    Thanks, Sandra! I?m glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Rikki66
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Well written, well conceived, I can see clearly through the eyes of the child. I understand her bewilderment at going to church on a week day and saying good bye to grandma's when she was not even present. It to me is good they did not show her the content of the big box.

 Comment Written 07-May-2019


reply by the author on 07-May-2019
    Thanks, Rikki. I?m glad you enjoyed it.
reply by Rikki66 on 07-May-2019
    Danke Schoen.
    rikki
Comment from Michele Harber
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Thank you. I've now had a cathartic cry. This story is absolutely beautiful, and so authentically written from the perspective of a child caught up in a situation she observes but doesn't understand. Your story is completely believable and totally relatable, and I fully understand why you won the contest (congratulations). The little girl, by the way, is a true beauty.

 Comment Written 07-May-2019


reply by the author on 07-May-2019
    Glad you enjoyed it!
reply by Michele Harber on 07-May-2019
    I did, very much.
Comment from C. Gale Burnett
Excellent
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This is excellent. In my humble opinion, you nailed the writing prompt. You successfully wrote in great detail the perplexing thoughts and emotions felt by a young child attending a funeral, yet not understanding (perhaps not told) what a funeral was and that someone had died (someone very special to her).
Awesome writing!

 Comment Written 06-May-2019


reply by the author on 07-May-2019
    Thanks, Gale! Glad you enjoyed it.
reply by C. Gale Burnett on 07-May-2019
    I did ? very much!
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
Excellent
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I think that this is exactly how it happens. So many activities going on that as a child, we don't understand. You've done a great job presenting this well written story. Well done!

 Comment Written 06-May-2019


reply by the author on 06-May-2019
    Thanks, Jeffrey!
    Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from misscookie
Excellent
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She is adorable
What a sweet smile she has
As I read your poem I vision her smile being replaced by a puzzle look
I may be wrong but I believe parents should let a child know where they are going and why of course in a child like way no t to frighten then?
You inspired me to write a true poem about it " title where did he go"
I'm so be-hide I cant tell you when it will be finish
Thank you for sharing and the inspiration
cookie

 Comment Written 06-May-2019


reply by the author on 06-May-2019
    Thanks, Cookie!
    I agree about being honest with children. I intend for this little girl to be too young--two years old, perhaps--to understand the concept of death. Even Matteo, her older brother, does not seem to be affected. Only Bryce, who is older, cries at the funeral.
    I'm glad you enjoyed it.
reply by misscookie on 06-May-2019
    Yes we parents must pick age right and remember every child has difference emotions about the same subject.
    Take care
    Cookie
Comment from judiverse
Excellent
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Great job with this. You portray the little girl's confusion about what is happening in a very realistic manner. It would be hard for her to understand what is happening. That is clearly shown at the end when the girl wonders why they were saying "good-bye" to Grandma when she wasn't even there. A lot of attention to detail that adds to your story. Best of luck in the contest. This should really do well. judi

 Comment Written 06-May-2019


reply by the author on 06-May-2019
    Thanks, Judi!
    I'm glad you enjoyed it.
reply by judiverse on 06-May-2019
    Very well presented, and best of luck in the contest. judi
Comment from Alex Rosel
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is a delightful piece of flash fiction. It kept my interest throughout. Of course, we the readers, know what's happening. But you've pushed over-sentimentality away with that last sentence. A killer. Excellent :)

Good luck with the competition.

 Comment Written 06-May-2019


reply by the author on 06-May-2019
    Thanks, Alex! I'm glad you enjoyed it.